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Friday, March 2, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, Mar 2, 2012 at 9:29 AM

We have always been at war with Eastasia. President Obama says if anyone's going to bomb Iran, it's going to be the United States. He insists the threat of military action over Iran's phantom nuke is no bluff—but warns Israel not to jump the gun and take all the glory for itself.

When Syrian soldiers aren't shooting sheep and stealing cars, in addition to indiscriminately shooting restive civilians, they're reportedly making way for international aid workers who've been allowed in to provide food and medical help to the sick and injured.

Pakistan is in the market for a good solid, free-speech-filtering Internet firewall, if you know anyone good with computer who's looking for a job and bored of choosing between different coffee shops to haunt all day.

The Taliban Republicans won't like a new poll that shows, unsurprisingly, that close to a supermajority of Americans want health insurers to cover contraception—and also that all this rightward-lurching hubbub over shit like sex and joy is, um, deeply unpopular.

Olympia Snowe, the retiring moderate Republican senator from Maine, explains why she can't get away from her destructively partisan colleagues fast enough.

Even high-ranking federal judges appointed by George W. Bush can't help but make like your racist uncle every once in a while. Montana's top judge has apologized for forwarding a hackneyed email "joke" about President Obama's lineage.

Shockingly, a Groupon walking tour of Jeffrey Dahmer's old Milwaukee haunts (but not his freezer) has disturbed and upset some neighbors.

Tornadoes, still under the impression Appomattox never happened, are continuing their campaign of destruction and mayhem against the South.

AT&T is going to start putting data hogs on a food-drip liquid diet, all because the government wouldn't let them subvert the competitive market by acquiring T-Mobile.

Today is Mayor Sam Adams' final State of the City address. It starts at 12:15, and wifi-gods permitting, I'll be live-blogging right here on BLOGTOWN.

This is clearly the baddest roller coaster ever (crash-test dummies don't need limbs!). Until this one opens, that is.

DRIVERLESS CARS? THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE FUTURE.


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