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Friday, March 2, 2012

The Race to Get the First Hot Tub Boat

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Mar 2, 2012 at 10:44 AM

This "rivalry" that Portland supposedly has with Seattle is a goddamn joke. We're better in practically every conceivable way, and they know it. HOWEVER! It has come to my attention (via Bethany over at Slog) that Seattle is on the cusp of getting... THEIR OWN "HOT TUB BOAT" COMPANY. Hot Tubs! Inside a boat! That you can ride around in!

From the Hot Tub Boats site:

Imagine navigating the waters of Lake Union with sweeping views of the Seattle skyline while lounging in a luxurious soaking tub.
The boat can accommodate up to six persons while underway, and eight at dockside. It is powered by an almost silent electric motor at approximately 4 to 6 knots. Each hot tub boat is equipped with built in dry storage and two coolers.

The Hot Tub Boat Company is expected to start renting Hot Tub Boats to Seattlites by "Summer 2012." THIS AGGRESSION SHALL... NOT... STAND. What follows is a slightly amended speech first made by President John F. Kennedy in 1961.

Now it is time to take longer strides—time for a great new Portland enterprise—time for this Portland to take a clearly leading role in Hot Tub Boat achievement, which in many ways may hold the key to our future on Earth.

Recognizing the head start obtained by the Seattlites with their advanced Hot Tub Boat technology, which gives them many months of lead-time, and recognizing the likelihood that they will exploit this lead for some time to come in still more impressive successes, we nevertheless are required to make new efforts on our own.

I believe that this Portland should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of sending a man onto the river in a Hot Tub Boat and returning him safely to the land.
We choose to build a hot tub boat. We choose to build a hot tub boat in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard!


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