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Sunday, March 4, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Sun, Mar 4, 2012 at 10:20 AM

First! Go outside today. Eat a handful of whatever brand of NSAID makes your liquor headache go away fastest, stagger out to the sidewalk, and then inhale some fresh air—being sure to breathe as deeply as your lingering nausea can tolerate. It's going to be WARM(-ish).

The United States vs. Iran:
The president, attempting to manage any backlash over his promise to bomb the currently voting Islamic Republic, now complains that all his this talk of war is "too loose." But on a different war drum, the US government is pounding out beats that also blame Iran for some of the ongoing massacre in Syria, too.

But, hey, if Iran doesn't work out for our next war, why not dream even bigger>? China is arming up in secret and clearly planning to take over the world.

Rush Limbaugh strung together some hollow pseudo-apology words on his website yesterday: “In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.” That's a relief. Sorry we doubted you, Rush!

Willard Romney aced
the GOP presidential caucus up across the Columbia—which may or may not help him on Super Tuesday. Better for his chances: A pair of arch-conservative congressmen have done the math and decided to embrace Romney's inevitability.

It's not the campaign cash that's corrupting Congress. It's the gifts. It's lots and lots and lots of lobbyist-provided gifts.

Horrible Accident, Part I: A head-on train crash in Poland killed 16.

Horrible Accident, Part II: An explosion at an arms depot in the Congo killed 200.

In Dublin, "O'Toole's heart
had been displayed in the cathedral since the 13th century. It was stored in a heart-shaped wooden box and secured in a small, square iron cage on the wall of a chapel dedicated to his memory. On Saturday someone cut through two bars, pried the cage loose, and made off with the relic."

Inmates in Texas can no longer watch pay-cable films based around inartful dry-humping.

WELCOME BACK, VLADIMIR PUTIN. I BEG OF RUSSIA'S ONCE-AND-FUTURE PRESIDENT: PLEASE BEGIN AND END EVERY EPISODE WITH AN OLD-TIMEY JOKE.

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