Good morning! Ready to chuck some rocks at a zombie? Awesome. My thoughts about last night's episode of The Walking Dead are after the jump, and I fully expect YOU to chuck some rocks as well in the comments! So what are we waiting for? LET'S CHUCK SOME ROCKS!
Here's what I'm thinkin'...
1) The episode opens with not-so-racisty Darryl pulling a Jack Bauer on Jersey Boy who's tied up in the barn. Apparently they figured out (as I've been saying all along) that he's a fucking LIAR, and I'm gratified they've been reading this blog. So now the big moral decision is whether to kill him or KILL HIM!!!! (I love how this show never considers any options other than the first one they come up with.)
2) Lil' Paleface (that's Carl) was all up in everybody's shit in this episode—for example, sneaking into the barn to snoop on prisoner Jersey Boy. (Who thought Paleface was gonna pull out a gun, and cap him? I did.) Then Lil' Paleface had the nerve to tell Sophie's mom that "Anyone who believes in heaven is an idiot." At this point, I stood up and gave Lil' Paleface the 1980s movie cafeteria slow clap. That was almost too awesome, and lowered his ranking to the number three most despised character in The Walking Dead. BUT THEN? Ahhh. The rock chucking scene.
3) Here's the thing about chucking rocks at a zombie who's stuck in the mud. It's funny... absolutely. But after awhile, it's the same as tipping cows (which I've done myself on occasion)—it gives one a "hollow" feeling. BUT SURPRISE! When the zombie got un-stuck and grabbed that little shit? I gave unstuck zombie the 1980s movie cafeteria slow clap.
4) Anyway, blah blah blah, everybody is all a-tither about killing Jersey Boy, mostly because annoying Grandpa Eyebrows keeps poking at everyone's conscience. However, after Eyebrows delivers his final, and very stirring "Atticus Finch" speech, everybody looks down uncomfortably at their feet, wrestles with their humanity, and decides "LET'S KILL HIM ANYWAY!! WOOO-HOOOO!"
5) Unfortunately once again Rick pusses out (thanks for nothing, nosy Lil' Paleface) and decides to keep Jersey Boy incarcerated until next week's episode when he murders and rapes everyone. Then Rick may actually be forced to do something, alright!
6) OHHHHH, BUT THE MOST AMAZING PART OF THIS EPISODE! Grandpa Eyebrows stumbles across a zombie bull in the field (1980s movie cafeteria slow clap for you, zombie bull!), and is immediately attacked by Unstuck Zombie who delivers the grossest human kill yet! (1980s movie cafeteria slow clap for you unstuck zombie, and 1980s movie cafeteria slow clap for YOU, Lil' Paleface, for un-stucking him!)
7) I really hated Grandpa Eyebrows and am happy to see him go. Let's chuck rocks at his corpse!
8) I really hated "humanity," too. Let's chuck rocks at its corpse!
9) Despite all the teeth-gnashing and conscience-wrestling, I thought this episode was a goodie. So what are your predictions for upcoming episodes? Looks like the writers are diverging from the comics, thank god. (Because as mentioned earlier, I really despised Grandpa Eyebrows.)
10) NEXT WEEK ON THE WALKING DEAD: The camp is trampled by a stampede of zombie bulls, but Rick decides to spare them because (umm, hello?) he's a puss.
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