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Monday, March 12, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Mar 12, 2012 at 9:28 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Blades are long, wrapped tight in their fist, aiming straight at your back, and I don't think they'll miss. (What they do.) LET'S GO TO PRESS.

In case you missed GMN yesterday, an Army sergeant went on a rampage killing 16 Afghan civilians—that on top of the Koran burning fiasco has made relations with the country... umm... tense.

Also mentioned in yesterday's GMN, but well worth repeating, Iraqis apparently have a hit out on "emo kids," who are killed because they're perceived to be gay.

According to activists, 108 people were killed in Syria yesterday, and at what is being called the Homs massacre, 45 women and children were stabbed and burned to death.

Santorum and Gingrich are fighting tooth and nail for the highly coveted, "Durrrrr, I'm a dumbass hillbilly" vote.

"US military unveils non-lethal heat ray weapon." Wait... isn't that just a hair dryer?

There's a movement afoot to get the FCC to ban Rush Limbaugh from the airwaves. This is going to backfire.

Hey pervs! Heather Morris (Brittany on Glee) got her cell phone hacked, and now her nudie pictures are on the internet. Note: Cell phone photos are kind of the worst, just so you know what to expect. Enjoy?

Dear commenters: Gawker media founder thinks the dream of commenters engaging in "thoughtful" discussion is a joke, and believes the best way to control you is to only let a select few of you comment on stories. Discuss.

R.I.P. Bob Caldwell, editor of the Oregonian editorial page, who passed away of a heart attack this weekend at age 63.

Now let's go to Timbers correspondent Brian Gjurgevich for a looky-loo at tonight's big game! Brian?

Thanks, Steve! Lube up those chains, soccer fans: The Timbers kick off their sophomore year as a Major League Soccer side at 6:30 tonight, when they welcome the Philadelphia Union to Goose Hollow. The nationally televised match (ESPN2) will mark the MLS debut for big offseason signing Kris Boyd, but there are still questions remaining for who else will make up coach John Spencer's lineup, particularly at forward (will Darlington Nagbe take over his natural position?), wide at midfield (will it be Nagbe, Kalif Alhassan or Eric Alexander?), and at left back (Mike Chabala or Rodney Wallace?). Wondering what all of this means? Have no fear! Check back in later as we kick off another season of High-Pitched Live Blog Action!

Thank you, Brian! Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: BLECCH. Rainy, showery, sunny, showery, sunny, rainy. You know the drill.

And finally, because nothing is quite right today, here's a cat who thinks he's a DOG! (Pants, fetches, wags tail. That ain't right.)

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