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Sunday, March 18, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Sun, Mar 18, 2012 at 10:56 AM

HOLY SHIT. PUN INTENDED. The pope is dead! And the pope's body has been seated on a ceremonial throne! And points for you if you actually click through the link before scratching your head and telling your hungover friends and loved ones that the pope is dead. Even though you won't technically be lying!

Grumpy New York cops arrested dozens after hundreds Occupy Wall Street protesters danced and rallied and marched through Manhattan on their way to a brief reoccupation of Zuccotti Park.

Not surprising, but for the soldiers who pilot our drone aircraft, all those thousands of miles of distance from the front provide little to no insulation from the creeping psychological stresses and horrors of combat.

Gawk at how close Barack Obama and congressional Republicans came to striking a "grand bargain" on the national debt.

Tear down more highways! Because sometimes highways make congestion worse!

An Indonesian 8-year-old who smokes is going to try quitting, using the same regimen that worked for that other Indonesian kid who smoked.

We're killing our middle class. Mexico is growing one. "The new Mexican is the overscheduled soccer dad shopping for a barbecue grill inside a Home Depot in booming Mexican cities like Queretaro."

Julian Assange is running for Senate in Australia. Yawn.

An 83-year-old flight attendant for United miraculously defies a culture of age, gender, and beauty discrimination to continue providing increasingly meager accommodations to all the various yokels who fly to our least probable state.

Hitler had Hollywood friends who wanted to build him a post-war bunker in Los Angeles so he could run his global Nazi empire in style.

Look at how different Willard Romney and Rick Santorum are! The former is adored by amoral plutocrats, the latter is loved by Christ-fearin' poor folk, and now the GOP's "big tent" is faced with collapse.

Also, Catholics looking at Santorum are figuring out that their fellow papist fits way better in a revival tent than in an expensive church that fills up only on big holidays, usually crammed with people who spend nearly every other waking moment quietly ignoring their religion's moral entreaties.

Aaaand speaking of Santorum and Jesus Christ and fear, two kissing men, who may or may not have been gay, mic-checked one of his rallies in the Chicago suburbs this weekend. The crowd responded with a cheers of "USA," which means they liked it, right?

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