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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Apr 11, 2012 at 9:30 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Dong dong dibb dibb dibbity dong diddy dong dong. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The Justice Department has filed an anti-trust lawsuit against Apple and major book publishers, accusing them of teaming up to sneakily raise e-book prices. This looks like a job for iOccupy!

As we reported yesterday, Rick Santorum dropped out of the race for the GOP nomination because of his ill 3-year-old daughter—that, and he was $1 million in debt, and didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning.

Now that Santorum has issued his last squirt, evangelicals are going to have to side with Romney—but only under one condition: He has to dump his crazy religion (Mormonism) and follow their crazy religion (Christianity).

Two large quakes scare the bejeezus out of Indonesia—but luckily, no tsunami.

Syria is promising to stop mercilessly killing people by the agreed upon Thursday deadline—which means today is going to be very busy.

Meanwhile North Korea isn't doing anything with their long range ballistic missile, honest! They're just filling it with fuel to see how much it'll hold.

Nearly 900 students were told they were admitted into the highly competitive UCLA, when actually they kinda... weren't. Sorry?

In gossip, Kanye West thinks Kim Kardashian is his "Beyonce"??? For the love of God, somebody slap some sense into him!!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Showers on and off today and tomorrow with a mostly dry weekend ahead!

And finally, the funniest "escaped bear confronts a texting man" video you will ever see!

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