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How to Avoid the Same Auld Lang Syne

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How to Avoid the Same Auld Lang Syne

Our Dan Fogelberg-Free Rundown of the Best New Year's Eves in Town!


The Best of Charlie Hales' Voicemails

News

The Best of Charlie Hales' Voicemails

Portland's Mayor Apparently Gave You All Plenty to Complain About This Year



Monday, April 16, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Apr 16, 2012 at 9:30 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I said, "Of course I'm angry man, this isn't high school or anything," you know. So I'm feeling really cavalier and I say, "Ah...call me if you want to...." Huh, yeah..."Call me if you want to." LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The trial started today for the nutbag who went on a shooting rampage last year in Norway, killing 77. He pleaded "not guilty" saying he was trying to protect his country from Islamic immigration, and that he would've stopped killing people sooner had police been available.

British royal-in-law Pippa Middleton could face criminal charges after a companion of hers points a gun at a photog who was bothering them. Bad form, old bean!

Celebrate! El Salvador has it's first "murder-free day" in three years!

Obama pitches the "Buffett Rule" (Warren, rather than Jimmy) which not only would tax the rich, but also infuriate Republicans. Double score.

General Service Administration officials are in the soup for throwing a lavish, $800,000 conference in Las Vegas—which actually doesn't sound all that much fun. And that's extra infuriating.

Obama is pissed that certain Secret Service members were caught… ummm… "fraternizing" with local prostitutes in Colombia. I will allow this. Anybody who has to catch a bullet for jackasses like George W. Bush and the ilk, gets to occasionally bone a prostitute. RESOLVED.

Thieves steal Tom Petty's guitars! I will not allow this!

In even more sad music news, 62-year-old Bee Gees star Robin Gibb has pneumonia and is in a coma.

This story is not nearly as funny as it should be or sounds: "Killer Swan Blamed for Man's Drowning!"

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: RAIN. But no rain tomorrow! BUT THEN MORE RAIN.

And finally, a dog who attacks windshield wipers. Perhaps he could save his energy for... oh, I don't know... ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD?

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