This Week in the Mercury


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

LOL! Miley Cyrus! ROFL! IRL!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Apr 18, 2012 at 10:14 AM

Guys! Kids have it TOUGH. Which is why, as a parent of three growing teens (Jake, Chip, and Tisha), you owe it to your children to go see the upcoming Miley Cyrus movie LOL. (Note: "LOL" is teen lingo for "Lots o' luck" which is what a teen really needs to navigate the nutty world of high school! Amirite?) Anyway, LOL stars Miley Cyrus as an oversized pair of dentures crammed into Miley Cyrus' mouth who is dating the dreamiest boy in school... until she's not! And she's, like, fucking sad about it, man! Luckily another boy comes along who looks a lot like the first boy. I don't think it's the same boy, though... although they do look a lot alike. Anyway, she's happy again! Until she's not. Either the first boy or the second boy wants to have sex with her, and she's (correctly I might add) all like, "What? Are you insane? SEX??? I'm still in high school, gah!" Luckily her mom is the corpse of Demi Moore who cuddles with her in bed. Or is that rigor mortis? I dunno. GUYS, THIS MOVIE IS GONNA BE HOT!

UPDATE: Commenter Graham thinks you should know about Miley's recent blender accident, and how her "turkey neck" looks really weird. Consider yourself informed!

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