This Week in the Mercury
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
SEX SL Letter of the Day: He Threw You A Bone—Throw It Back
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Apr 18, 2012 at 11:14 AM
Okay, so I have a question about a "relationship" I am currently having. He's older than I am and it isn't really "official" and while I'm not sleeping with other guys he has told me he's been with other girls while he has been with me. Well, the last time we saw each other we started like talking and the conversation got deeper than I ever expected and I'm really confused on what I should do. He tells me that he does like me and does care about me and tells me that there is a chance he could fall for me, but he's sleeping around for now. He wants to know what he can have. I'm stopping myself from really starting to like him because I know where it's going to lead but I'm having a hard time ending everything because I know there is a chance he could change, but I don't want to get my hopes up.Really Need Some Advice
My response after the jump...
·····················
You're being played, RNSA.
He may be a nice guy, and he may actually care about you, but he was lying to you when he said he might fall for you. As your conversation got deeper that day, RNSA, this guy sensed that you were reaching a point in your "relationship" where casual and undefined and friends-with-benefits and no-commitment/no-demands just wasn't going to cut it anymore. You want to be in a relationship—no quotation marks—with him. And what does he want? He wants to be in you.
So he threw you a bone, RNSA: "There is a chance I could fall for you." And it worked: you're going to keep fucking him—and you're going to keep fucking him exclusively while he fucks other girls—because now you know there's a chance he could develop deeper feelings for you. And you know there's a chance he could develop deeper feelings for you because he told you there's a chance. And, hey, why would he lie about that? What possible motive could he have to lie?
He lied—or, more charitably, he told you what he thought you wanted to hear—so he could keep on fucking you.
If you're regular readers, RNSA, you know that I'm not against friends-with-benefits arrangements or casual relationships. But I'm against your "relationship." You want more than he's willing or able to give, RNSA, and he's filling you with false hope so he can keep filling you with his dick.
End it.
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