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Monday, April 23, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Apr 23, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Tendoroni, you've got to be. Spark my nature, sugar—fly with me. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

A nice day spawns an attempted "reoccupation" of Chapman Square last night. Denis was there and files this report.

Jury selection for Sen. John Edwards begins today in his trial about illegal campaign contributions, that also promises to provide some very salacious details of his private life. Heh, heh, hehhhhh.

The Homeland Security Agency is broadening their probe into the Secret Service hooker scandal to see if they can also find some awesome hookers.

The Dow plummeted this morning thanks to Europe's political fears and China's faltering economy. We can't do much about Europe, but I'm sure China would love it if we bought another iPad or two.

Wal-Mart stands accused of bribing Mexico officials to get construction permits in the country. (When are they gonna start bribing me to come to their store?)

North Korea issues a new threat to the South, vowing to throw pieces of their broken missiles at them.

George Zimmerman is released on bail from a Florida jail this morning, and for his own safety, nobody knows where he went. I would not want to be him right now.

Rudy Giuliani formally gives Mittens Romney his endorsement... because, well.... you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit.

The Norway killer who murdered 77 at that youth camp says he shot the people who looked like "leftists." (Gulp. Glad he never visited Portland, or the only person left would be Lars Larson.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Another hottie today with temps jumping to 80—though beware a possible afternoon thunderstorm, nude sunbathers!

And finally, breastfeeding your baby is awesome. This commercial for breastfeeding is not. It's terrifying. Stop it.

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