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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Captain Underpanties

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, May 1, 2012 at 10:29 AM

I'm a 26-year-old male who wears women's panties. Usually white cotton. I am married and have two kids. I am also in the armed forces. I started wearing them since I was about 12 on and off. Then when I was 20 I started wearing them every day. I have even wore them during my two deployments to Iraq. I have told a few people and my wife who doesn't mind it. Sometimes I want to show people them, and sometimes I'm terrified that others will find out. Does wearing them mean I'm gay or bi?
Over There

My response to OT—and his to me, and mine to his to me—after the jump...


Do you want to suck a bunch of dicks?—Dan


Then you're not gay or bi.
I'm gay, OT, my husband is gay, and we have lots of gay friends. None of them have your kink. And it's not that gay guys who wear panties are too afraid to tell their gay friends about their kink—hell, my gay friend who's into amputees is open with all of his gay friends about his kink. There are a few gay men out there, of course, who are into women's underwear; I've stumbled over some of their personal ads while doing a little research into this whole internet dating phenomenon that didn't come along until shortly after I met Terry. But gay guys into panties are hugely rare exceptions, OT, and they don't only wanna wear panties. They also want to suck a bunch of dicks. Which you don't.
So rest assured, OT: your kink correlates strongly with a red-blooded, robustly-male, pussy-poundin' straightness. Why is your kink a straight guy's thing? Because wearing women's panties is transgressive for straight guys; for you, OT, the panties violate gender norms that you otherwise model. That tension between who you are and what you're wearing is what turns you on. Gay guys already transgress against so many gender norms and expectations that wearing panties isn't gonna make us feel like we're doing anything even remotely naughty. (Giving speeches, however...) The erotics of transgression also explains why you're torn between a desire to tell people and a desire to keep your secret. Telling would be a transgressive and humiliating thrill; not telling provides you with the equally transgressive thrill of having a secret.
Summing up: Your panties are not evidence that you're gay or bi. They're evidence of the opposite. Relax and enjoy.—Dan

Should I tell everyone?—OT

Well, do you want everyone to know? Or do you enjoy the erotic tension of having a big, sexy secret? If you enjoy the tension, don't tell. Or don't tell everyone. Tell select people—which you've already done—and then you can continue to think, "Oh, if they only knew!" when you're with people who don't know. But if you don't enjoy the tension—if you want it out there because you're tired of worrying about who does and doesn't know, if you're sick of worrying about who might find out and how—then go ahead and tell everyone.—Dan

Ok, thanks. Food for thought.—OT


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