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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, May 2, 2012 at 9:30 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! And keep talking that mess, thats fine, but could you walk and talk, at the same time? LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The blind Chinese dissident who escaped government authorities last month has left the American embassy after the Chinese government promises he'll be safe. IT'S A TRAP!!

With Egypt's presidential elections coming up soon, fierce clashes break out, killing nine and injuring 200. (I don't think Eileen Brady will ever get that kind of reaction.)

A coroner tries to explain the death of a British spy who was padlocked in a red carrying bag, saying his death came about either by suffocation or poison. Or maybe an allergy to Samsonite?

In case you missed it, President Obama tiptoed into Afghanistan yesterday to remind Americans he still intends on pulling troops out of the country, and... what else? OH, YEAH! He personally killed Osama bin Laden.

Oh, and merely three hours after Obama left Afghanistan, the Taliban set off two major explosions in Kabul. Fine! Don't say "bye."

Three Secret Service agents embroiled in that prostitution scandal have refused to take a polygraph test, because they are sooooooo innocent.

Gingrich is out, blah blah blah, we knew that.

In his trial today, John Edwards is expected to hear testimony from the staffer he fired after the two argued about his mistress. AWWWWKWARD.

A college student was forgotten in a holding cell for five days by Federal drug agents and was forced to drink his own urine to stay alive. Huh. Wonder if he'll sue?

After the two split up, a dentist pulled out all of her ex-boyfriend's teeth. That'll teach him not to floss!

Stay tuned for Denis' "May Day Shenanigan Wrap-Up!" Coming up next on Blogtown!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: No rain today, but expect to get wet again starting tomorrow and on until Saturday afternoon.

And finally, a New Jersey woman has been arrested for taking her five-year-old daughter into a tanning booth. Here's the daughter...

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And after the jump is a picture of the mom. GO AHEAD. I DARE YOU.

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GAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

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