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Monday, May 7, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: STFU, BTFO

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, May 7, 2012 at 10:29 AM

Not really sure where to start with my problem so I think I'll go chronologically. A friend of mine got married eight years ago to a pretty average guy. About a year ago she started having problems with her husband and she began to think he is cheating on her. His behavior drastically changed, he wants to spend more time with his friends and away from her, he snoops on her and accuses her of cheating—that sort of thing. Several of her other friends and myself agree that he probably is cheating, not to mention that we never really liked how he treated her anyway. So we told her to DTMFA. She said that she couldn't as long as there was any doubt in her mind about the cheating.

Recently our friend's ex-BF came back in the picture. He's a good guy, single, nice, good looking—a decent catch. Well, I just found out that my best friend and her ex have been sleeping together. I don't know exactly how long it's been going on, but knowing my friend it probably started as a revenge screw after she thought her husband was cheating. I haven't talked to my friend about it yet but I don't know what I would say even if I did. I like the new guy way better than her husband and personally think she should leave her husband regardless. There are no children involved. So I have a few questions for you:

1. Do I tell my friend that I know?

2. Should I support her in her cheating since her husband cheated first and the new/old guy is better?

3. I also sometimes hang out with her and her husband together, but I don't know if I can be expected to keep a secret like this.

4. What can I do? Because I feel like I should really step in somehow before she actually gets pregnant like she's trying to.

5. Last question, her husband just recently starting acting even more loving than he did before we suspected he was cheating, does this mean that he's done cheating and is trying to repair his marriage? you think he might have found out about her cheating? Or is there another option?

I haven't talked to her, her husband, or her BF since I found out and it's eating me up inside.

Know Too Much

My response after the jump...

···················
You describe this mess as "my problem," KTM, and I'm not sure why. It doesn't involve you. Bearing that in mind...

1. STFU and butt the fuck out.

2. STFU and butt the fuck out.

3. STFU and butt the fuck out.

4. STFU and butt the fuck out.

5. STFU and butt the fuck out.

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