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Wednesday, May 9, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Bi the Way

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, May 9, 2012 at 10:29 AM

This is in response to Lovecast 288. I particularly wanted to talk about the lesbian who was pissed off that all the bi girls she dated seemed to "go back" to men. I'm a bi girl and I have a few things to say about this. First of all, I think that the assumption that bisexuals are more likely to cheat just because we're attracted to both sexes is ridiculous. Yes, we have more options when it comes to who we're able to cheat with, but just because we're attracted to guys and girls doesn't mean we automatically want to fuck all the guys and girls we meet.

Second, I totally understand the chagrin that gay boyfriends/girlfriends feel when the bi person he/she was dating starts dating a person of the opposite sex, but from my experience this "going back to" syndrome isn't a sign that bisexuals are indecisive or fickle when it comes to same-sex relationships, for me it's more like a necessary change of pace. I don't see it as any different from if I was straight and broke up with a hunky football player only to start dating a slam poetry geek (although I'm in no way suggesting that the two are not mutually exclusive—my current partner is both. Go me!). And I don't mean to offend anyone, but I think that lesbians especially need to get the fuck over their insecurities about girls "going back to" men and quit looking at it in terms of gender. Plenty of lesbians have been broken up with by plenty of other lesbians; breakups suck regardless. People need to recognize that being bi means we're going to date both men and women, and a breakup is just a breakup, and not some evil plot to make you bitter by dating someone of the opposite sex next time. I understand that some bi girls may end up dating men exclusively eventually, but I don't think the fear of that happening should interfere with anyone's willingness to get into a relationship, just the same way that heterosexuals don't avoid getting into relationships for fear that one day down the road they MIGHT be broken up with. Hook up with hope, for crying out loud!

Love Being Bi in LA

P.S. And in response to you, Dan: Absolutely yes! Bisexuals in straight relationships need to be OOUUUTTT. Step up and be proud! Sing out, Louise!

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