So this press release starts excellently:
Fans who have been eagerly awaiting the July 20 release of Warner Bros. Pictures’ and Legendary Pictures’ The Dark Knight Rises will have an opportunity to get a firsthand look at the Tumbler and the Bat-Pod, which are rolling out on a coast-to-coast tour, sponsored by Mountain Dew®. and IMAX®.
Both the Tumbler and the Bat-Pod have served as high-powered modes of transportation for Batman in Christopher Nolan’s earlier blockbusters—with the Tumbler first appearing in Batman Begins, and the Bat-Pod being introduced in The Dark Knight. They will both be featured in different ways in the hugely anticipated finale to the director’s Batman trilogy, The Dark Knight Rises.
Leading up to the opening of the film, the Tumbler and the Bat-Pod will be making their way across North America, appearing in the following cities and towns:
And then it all goes to shit, because every single city in America is listed except for Portland. Bentonville, Arkansas is on there. So's Lansing, Michigan. So's Purchase, New York, which isn't even a place. There are even two Canadian cities on the list, which I'm not even going to acknowledge by name. Albuquerque's on there. Fuckin' Albuquerque.
So I wrote the publicist who sent me the release:
Please tell me what I need to do to make the Tumbler and/or the Bat-Pod come to Portland, Oregon and I will do it immediately. I eagerly await your response.
And she wrote back:
If I knew I would be doing the same thing.
So I guess this is just a reminder that everything is horrible and life isn't worth living.
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