This Week in the Mercury


Thursday, May 17, 2012

OMG Guys! Let's Move To Detroit And Start A Coffee Shop With Our Friends!

Posted on Thu, May 17, 2012 at 10:14 AM

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As a former resident of Detroit, my inbox is being inundated with this Curbed story about a group of Christian 20-somethings moving to Blight Town USA to spread the word of God and "love on kids that have never experienced love!"

Detroit Team, as they call themselves, received a vision from the Lord telling them to create a coffee shop to serve as "the art epicenter of a slum community." Duh! That's totally Detroit! The trajectory, both in scale/time that their investors (Whoops, I mean, God) have for this project, is leading Detroit Team to begin creating an artistic revival as soon as July of this year! Cool! I've been waiting for that.

In addition to God, Detroit Team is also heavily inspired by the popular 90s TV show Friends. They are looking for one more male character (I mean, partner) to round out the sacred numerology of their holy coffee house senary. You will probably have to marry into their polyamourous super family—but that's just part of God's plan, okay?

I'm not sure something this stupid has been planned to revive Detroit since everyone I know got into an argument about whether or not using $50,000 to build a giant statue of Robocop was wasteful or awesome. (It's both.)

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