Oh, yes: Let us now go to the New York Post for our daily dose of important news:
The charitable foundation of late president Ronald Reagan condemned a British auction house for selling a vial that purportedly contains his blood.
Bids above $9,500 were made for the specimen vial and supporting documentation, apparently from the hospital where the then-president was treated after a 1981 assassination attempt.
"If indeed this story is true, it's a craven act, and we will use every legal means to stop its sale or purchase," Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation executive director John Heubusch said in a statement.
This is clearly the beginning of a science fiction novel. Either Mitt Romney will drink the blood, grow to gigantic size, and then go on a rampage during a presidential debate, or an insane Texas billionaire will clone an army of Ronald Reagans in vats as part of a plan to populate Mars. In any case, I eagerly await the quest to find Abraham Lincoln's foreskin. Get Nicolas Cage on the line!
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!