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Friday, May 25, 2012

This Is Why We're Fat

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Fri, May 25, 2012 at 4:03 PM

For reasons that are unclear to the rest of the staff Because they are giving them away in honor of their third anniversary today from 4:30-6 pm today, The Original dropped off two boxes of donut-burger sliders at the Merc office this afternoon, which were no doubt intended for the non-existent office of freelance food critic Chris Onstad. What his refined palate would have made of them I fear we may never know, because instead they have spent most of the day being gawked at and dared upon.

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  • Michelle David

So in the interest of research, some of us ate them. Our office manager Noah gobbled down the first one with not only no complaints but he said he enjoyed it. Next up, for an employee who wishes to remain anonymous, things did not go so well. One agreed-upon problem is that in addition to the combo of donut, beef, and cheese, they are slathered with copious amounts of mayonnaise, which has a tendency to squirt through the donut hole, which is exactly as appetizing a sight as it sounds. Employee #2 took his first bite and got a chin-full, then promptly spun around and dunked the remainder in the garbage can. Brave Alison Hallett took note of her colleague's misfortune and carefully scraped most of the mayonnaise off of one before taking a bite. The first thing out of her mouth was, "I do not need to be eating this." Courtney Ferguson then tried a bite, which she later described as "Two different things in my mouth." They then also threw it in the garbage.

The only other person I could find who admitted to eating one was art director Justin Morrison, who also got mayonnaise squirted into his face, which he said was somewhat hard to wash out of his beard. And while he said it "wasn't his thing," he also promised to eat at least one more before leaving the office today. Why? "Because I like free donuts and I like free burgers." So, not a very good reason. And yet? There were at least a dozen of these things delivered to the office, and now a scant two remain. Do with this information what you will.

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