This Week in the Mercury


Saturday, May 26, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Sat, May 26, 2012 at 10:04 AM

Happy Memorial Day weekend! Celebrate by smoking pot like a president!

Will Barack Obama ride the choom-choom train to 270 electoral votes? An AP analysis says maaaaybe... (disgruntled white people in the South and Midwest, we're looking at you...)

The butler did it! The pope's young, handsome manservant has been fingered as the culprit in a scandal involving leaked Vatican documents that point to potential financial corruption at the highest levels of the Holy See government.

Another libtard activist judge
has struck a partisan blow against morality and God and George Washington, ruling against the 1996 federal Defense of Marriage Act. Harrumph!

We don't suck from the Middle Eastern oil straw nearly as much as we used to.

The latest from Syria's "cease-fire": 100 people dead, many of them children, after an 18-hour government massacre. Good thing those UN "peace monitors" are on hand. They showed up right after. News of the attack sparked protests across the country. And now there's been a "credible" report of a Russian arms shipment headed to Syria.

Iran is making more potent uranium and, if it really tried, could have enough fuel for five atom bombs. GOOD NEWS! I'M ENLISTING. THE OTHER WARS ARE NO FUN NO MORE. SO WE NEED A NEW ONE.

Science has invented the hypospray.

I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE OMELETS TODAY. NEVER.

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