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Monday, May 28, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, May 28, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MEMORIAL DAY, BLOGTOWN! Don't make me close one more door, I don't want to hurt anymore. Stay in my arms if you dare, or must I imagine you there? LET'S GO TO PRESS.

As mentioned yesterday in GMN, 108 people (including a sizable number of women and children) were brutally massacred by the Syrian government over the weekend, who OF COURSE, is trying to blame someone else. Special envoy Kofi Annan is on the scene trying to talk some sense into the murderers.

The Russian foreign minister says both sides are to blame for the Syrian massacre. WOW! What a fair, and balanced way to blame the victims.

Today in "Super Creepy!!": A German girl has been freed after being locked up by a Bosnian couple for years.

Tropical Storm Beryl smacks into the Southeastern United States ruining 8-year-old Jimmy Johnson's plan to shoot fireworks at the neighbor's dog.

A 6.4 magnitude quake rocks northern Argentina.

China tightens it's clamps on social media, putting the kibosh on rumors and other "controversial posts." Man, Blogtown would not do so well over there.

Boxing underdog and five-time champ Johnny Tapia has been found dead in his Albuquerque apartment.

This weekend, thousands of women took part in macho Brazil's version of the "Slut Walk."

Miami police shoot and kill a naked man who was allegedly attempting to "eat the face off" someone else. Good luck with that zombie infestation, Florida!

Most confusing Oregon Live headline of the day:

Screen_shot_2012-05-28_at_7.43.27_AM.png

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Things look dicey today, but the weather really starts to improve by Wednesday. (Maybe postpone your drunken picnic until then?)

And finally, on this Memorial Day, be sure to remember that there's one thing we should never forget: SATAN WAS QUITE THE TAP-DANCER!

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