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Open Season: Year 11



Friday, June 1, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, Jun 1, 2012 at 9:14 AM

Barack Obama is funny. He's got this one great joke in particular, and it goes something like: "Guess who has two thumbs and has spent the past two years waging an increasingly sophisticated cyber warfare campaign (viva Stuxnet!) against Iran?..."

Desperately unemployed Americans
started looking for work again, prospective employers told them to go back home, and now the unemployment rate is back up and everyone's wringing their hands about a stall-out in the economy. Except the Republicans.

New York's mayor, media magnate Michael Bloomberg, thinks soda pop sold in cups larger than 16 ounces is making New Yorkers fat. So, he says, you'll have to buy a second cup if you really want to drink the swill.

Florida's efforts to purge its voting rolls of "non-citizens"—as in not-white people and Democrats—has drawn a rebuke from the federal Department of Justice.

Don't get too excited if you ever find thousands of dollars stashed in the walls of your house. It probably still belongs to the previous owner or, if they're dead, their estate.

In Soviet Russia, pictures of Vladimir Putin spit on you!

The latest terrible things to emerge from Syria: Factory workers being pulled from a bus and summarily executed.

Yes, Washington merchants can start selling alcohol today, but maybe don't head over the Columbia just yet. Prices might be higher than they were when the state was selling the stuff.

A MAX train nearly splattered an old man with a walker yesterday, TriMet wants us all to know.

THIS IS FUNKY. NO, REALLY. IT'S SO FUNKY.

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