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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jun 6, 2012 at 9:30 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! And when I come over and bend your ass, you be bumpin' Teddy Pendergrass. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Wisconsin dickhead and Governor Scott Walker survives the state's recall attempt—which means his first order of business is to execute everyone who voted against him and put his followers in palatial mansions.

Following the recall election, Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett got slapped on the face by a supporter for making his concession speech too early. I don't think that has ever happened before.

A sad day for sci-fi fans, famed and beloved author Ray Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451 and others) has died at the age of 91.

The U.S. is warning Syria that sanctions maybe just might possibly be on the way, and if they kill thousands more people, then we're really going to start thinking seriously about it.

U.S. officials believe that one of its armed helicopters was shot down over Afghanistan, killing both people aboard.

GAHH!! More body parts are sent through the mail in Canada—this time a hand and a foot are sent to two different elementary schools. (I blame either that serial killer porn actor or Jerry Masterson.)

The Pope and Vatican have declared that American nuns have gone rogue, are promoting "radical feminism," and must be reined in. (Dibs on "American Nuns Gone Rogue" band name.)

Sheryl Crow has a brain tumor. (I have nothing more to add.)

Yee-haw! Miley Cyrus has done gone and got engaged to that feller from The Hunger Games, y'all! (What's poor Katniss going to say??)

For those who didn't want to scorch their eyes out yesterday by staring at Venus passing by the sun, here's a time lapse video of it taken by NASA—who unfortunately, are now legally blind. Thanks, though!

According to a CNN poll, a majority of Americans support legalizing same-sex marriages (and wearing bicycle helmets... I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Mostly sunny today with a high of 65, but more cool, rainy weather Thursday and Friday. Weekend's looking ohhhh-kay, though.

And finally, All That star Amanda Bynes was arrested for drunk driving and sideswiping a cop car—but don't worry, guys! She's taken her case to the highest court in the land: President Obama via Twitter! She rests her case!

amanda_bynes_tweet.png

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