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Friday, June 8, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: BFFFWB

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Jun 8, 2012 at 10:29 AM

I am a 16-year-old straight male. I think. I know I'm 16 years old, and I know I'm male. But I'm not totally sure about the sexuality. I'm into chicks, okay? There's nothing I love more than vagina. I have a girlfriend, and she's amazing. No argument. But recently a gay friend told me he has a crush on me and has for a long time. He asked me to be his "friend with benefits." Plain and simple: He offered to give me head. I still haven't texted him back. I'm not totally against the idea. I've never thought about having sex with a dude, but I guess you could say I'm an open-minded person. So my question, Dan, is if I should become FWB with my friend. One of my main concerns is the fact that I'm in a relationship. So yeah. I just don't know.

What Should I Do?

My response after the jump...

························

Ask your girlfriend if she'd be okay with you getting head from your gay friend. If that's not a question you can bring yourself to ask your girlfriend, WSID, then don't even think about becoming FWB with your gay friend.

As for your sexuality....

If you love nothing more than vagina—really? not even oxygen?—then you're clearly not gay. You could be bisexual, I suppose, or heteroflexible. But I'm thinking you're probably just 16 years old and horny as shit. If a talking skunk with a French accent walked into your room and offered you a blowjob, WSID, you'd probably take that skunk up on the offer. Letting that skunk blow you wouldn't be prove that you're a zoophile—or a Francophile—just another horny kid who decided to shoot (into a skunk's mouth) first and ask questions ("I let a skunk blow me—WTF?") later.

A sex expert I quoted in a recent column—he was responding to a question from a straight guy who wanted other men to bust his balls—observed that a person can have a kink that overrides his "usual erotic 'target interest,' i.e., women." You're not kinky, WSID, just horny. But the combination of intense adolescent horniness and rare blowjob opportunity have overridden your usual erotic target interest, i.e. women.

I'm not saying you shouldn't do this. Two recent SLLOTDs were from a gay guy who's had a multi-year FWB arrangement with a straight male friend. (You can read 'em here and here.) So a gay/straight FWB arrangement can work. But you shouldn't do this if it means deceiving your girlfriend. If you want to take your friend up on his offer, WSID, clear it with your girlfriend first or wait until you're single.

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