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Happy 15th Birthday, Portland Mercury! A Note from Editor in Chief Wm. Steven Humphrey

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jun 13, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Move yourself and glide like a 747, lose yourself in the sky among the clouds in the heavens. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

JP Morgan Chase exec Jamie Dimon told the Senate today he can't defend the trades that led to the bank's multi-million dollar loss. He also can't explain why he watches Mob Wives. He just likes it.

The man suspected of killing three people and wounding others at Auburn U has turned himself in to authorities.

A new report says that Apple is killing Ping, which as you know, is that thing you never used.

A new ABC poll shows that swing voters think Obama's economic plan stinks—and that Romney's plan is only slightly less "stink."

Here's some heart-breaking testimony from one of the alleged victims of ex-football coach assistant Jerry Sandusky.

Now George Zimmerman's wife is in the pokey, too, after committing perjury regarding her husband's finances.

Henry Hill, the mobster-turned-informant portrayed in Good Fellas is dead at the age of 69 due to an "undisclosed illness." Ummm-hmmm. Did this "illness" involve "concrete snowshoes"?

Huh. How about that? A dingo actually did take her baby.

In sports, the LA Kings win their first ever Stanley Cup. That's hockey, right?

A little gratuitous back patting if you don't mind: Blogtown wins third place in the national 2012 AltWeekly Awards for "Best Blog" while our own art director Justin "Scrappers" Morrison takes third for "Best Covers." We now return you to thinking we suck.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Sunny, cloudy, sunny, cloudy, sunny, cloudy, but warming!

And finally, Tay Zonday (he of classic internet meme "Chocolate Rain") sings my current favorite song "Call Me Maybe." And this is great, too. Just different.

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