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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: A Failure to Comprehend

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Jun 19, 2012 at 10:29 AM

I am a 32-year-old married male. I love women and always have but I've developed a curiosity with anal play. I played with my wife's toys—with her knowledge—and enjoyed it but it seemed like there was more fun to be had. We ventured into the strap-on dildo play and I loved getting pegged. She says it's all OK so long as it doesn't get to the point of actually involving another male because she says that doesn't do it for her. But I am very curious as to what it would feel like to have the real thing. I don't have any interest in fucking another guy myself but I do want to be on the receiving end. I would also like to experience sucking dick and just generally seeing things from the woman's perspective. How do I get my wife to get into something like this? Please help!!!

Wanting To Explore The Excitement

My response after the jump...

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What we've got here is, well, not a failure to communicate. Your wife has been quite clear: She's happy to indulge your interests in anal play, she's happy to peg you, but she's not into the idea of you sleeping with another man.

A few questions for you: Did your wife know you were bi when she married you? Did you know you were bi when you married her? Did you tell your wife that you want to try "seeing things from the woman's perspective"—a straight woman's perspective (I mean, when you think about it... you're kinda seeing things from a lesbian perspective right now, you know?)—and that disclosure prompted her to lay down her "no involving other males" rule? Or did she put "no involving other males" on the table when you first started to experiment with pegging?

If her no-involving-other-males rule was conditional—if she only agreed to peg your ass after you assured her that pegging wasn't a slippery, er, slope—then I think you should keep your mouth shut. She's likely to feel duped and angry if you try to renegotiate terms now. But if she laid down that rule after you started experimenting with pegging and after you expressed an interest in getting with another dude, well, I still think you should shut your mouth. She's aware that you'd like to have gay sex... she's not into it at the moment... but who knows? Her feelings may change and/or the right guy might come along.

Trust me, WTETE, she's thinking about it. And she'll let you know if and when her feelings change.

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