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Monday, June 25, 2012

The Sweet, Sweet Taste of a Dungeon Master's Sweet, Sweet Tears

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 3:14 PM

So here's an awful movie I love: Dungeons & Dragons. IT IS TERRIBLE. It has more or less nothing to do with how Dungeons & Dragons is played, plus it has the world's worst performance by Jeremy Irons (who apparently quite likes shitty fantasy movies), Marlon Wayans basically doing a minstrel show, crappy CG, the bad guy from The Mummy with snakes in his ears, a dwarf who is actually regular-person sized, and one of the most amazing endings of any film I have ever seen, which I will now spoil: All of the characters suddenly and inexplicably turn into glowing orbs of light and fly away. ROLL CREDITS.

For fear that it couldn't possibly be as astounding as the first film, I've never seen the straight-to-video sequel (the excellently titled Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God), but now, god knows why, there's apparently a third one: Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness. Topless Robot sums it up:

It was apparently supposed to premiere on Syfy, but has been delayed for quite some time, presumably because it's fucking terrible. This means that the TV channel that has aired Piranhaconda and Mansquito—the TV channel that not only gave acting jobs to '80s pop stars Debbie Gibson and Tiffany, but also let them star in a movie together—took a look at The Book of Vile Darkness here, and said, "This movie is too shitty for us to air."

Yes. This trailer is worth watching just for what happens between 0:35 and 0:38 alone.

Sorry, D&D dweebs. If Nerd Bait: The Movie Knights of Badassdom ever actually comes out, maybe you'll have something else to watch.

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