Today's the big day you were waiting for! The debut of Ted, the Mark Wahlberg-starring, gutter-minded, talking-teddy bear buddy comedy of the summer! It opens tonight—check movie times here. After having seen it, I can say it surprised me (call me cynical) by being a good 70 percent funny (still laughing about the part where a prostitute shits on the floor because the teddy bear dared her to), even if at some points the film's strong handed efforts to be edgy veered into lame racial/homophobic frat-boy territory (Ryan Reynolds' cameo is funny cuz he's gay!). The plot is one-part rom-com to one-part Annie-style kidnap/rescue, and two-parts teddy bear stand-up comedy, and it comes down to this: If you think a teddy bear smoking a bong is even remotely funny, you will laugh at this. If you don't, you will be miserable, and you should just watch this 20-second montage of the movie's best scene—a drawn-out hotel fistfight—that ends with Wahlberg crying over his "junk," and call it good. (In the movie he says "penis." I did not know that was a swear word now.)
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