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Monday, July 9, 2012

Reminder, Trekkies: William Shatner Still Loathes You, Wants Your Money

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Mon, Jul 9, 2012 at 10:29 AM

thecaptains.jpeg
William Shatner's The Captains is one of the most fascinating clusterfucks I've ever seen—it's ostensibly a documentary in which Shatner has heart-to-hearts with all of the other people who've played captains in Star Trek, talking about what Star Trek represents and why it matters and how it changed each of their lives, but it rapidly devolves into a genuinely bewildering, impossible-to-turn-off debacle in which:

• A very sweaty Shatner waits inside a cardboard box on a Los Angeles street, then ambushes a very confused Kate Mulgrew

• An awkward Shatner awkwardly sits at a tiny little table set up just outside the front gate of Paramount Studios (presumably because he is not allowed upon, or did not get permission to enter, Paramount Studios), making small talk with Chris Pine, at which point he challenges Chris Pine to an arm wrestle

• Avery Brooks reveals himself to be more or less 100 percent bugnuts insane, alternately spouting gibberish and playing musical numbers on his piano, which a confused William Shatner not-very-convincingly pretends to appreciate

• Patrick Stewart strongly implies that his time on Star Trek: The Next Generation made him cheat on his wife, possibly numerous times, which Shatner seems to be pretty impressed by

• Scott Bakula shows up, rides a horse, has nothing to say

In other words, I totally recommend The Captains. And apparently it did pretty well, since Shatner's going back to the well he guzzled from in 1986 and 1999:

I cannot wait. Even if Get a Life! is just the documentary that already exists about Trekkies, called, um, Trekkies, but interspersed with occasional scenes in which a sweaty Shatner ambushes actresses from inside a cardboard box, I will watch the hell out of it. Possibly as a double feature with How William Shatner Changed the World, the documentary in which Shatner humbly lets everyone know that every single technological advancement of the last five decades is thanks to him:

"HEY, HI, HI, HI, HI, IT'S ME, WILLIAM SHATNER!"

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