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Thursday, July 26, 2012

There Will Now Be Six Hobbit Movies

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Jul 26, 2012 at 9:44 AM

Huh. This script for The Hobbit: Episode XVI—How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bombur... well, it could be better, is all Im saying. Also, why is this written in Crayon?
  • "So this script for The Hobbit: Episode XVI—How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bombur... well, it could be better. Also, why is this written in Crayon?"

As rumored at Comic-Con, Peter Jackson and Warner Bros. are currently "exploring the logistics" of turning the two Hobbit movies into three Hobbit movies. "Exploring the logistics" is code for OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO DO THIS, WHAT ARE YOU, AN IDIOT? The Lord of the Rings movies made over two billion dollars; Peter Jackson could say he wants to make 10 more and shoot them all at the same time in his rec room with Werner Herzog playing all the roles (except for Channing Tatum, who would play Radagast the Brown, obviously)* and Warner Bros. would say, "Sure, Pete. But just so we don't look quite so money-grubbing about it, let's tell people we're 'exploring the logistics' while we write an obscene amount of zeros on this check."

I have a Lord of the Rings keychain (LADIES) and I'm currently wearing this shirt, so clearly, as soon as I see a trailer for The Hobbit: Part III—Bungo Baggins' Lament, all my self-righteous and irrelevant grumbling will suddenly, miraculously cease. I just wish they'd be honest about this shit, that's all. Like Twilight and Harry Potter and The Hunger Games, this isn't about telling stories any better, it's about milking a fan base for all they're worth. Which is totally their prerogative—it'd just be nice if they'd come out and admit it, instead of trying to convince everyone that some warg who was mentioned in a footnote of one of Tolkien's long-forgotten appendices suddenly needs to have his tale told onscreen.

Anyway I'm going to future-proof this post by saying there will be six Hobbit movies instead of three, just so next year when Jackson decides again that he needs to "tell more of the incredible tale with the cast we have assembled," I won't have to write another post. Here, let's watch Channing Tatum's audition tape for Radagast.

*this is actually a pretty good idea, Peter Jackson please make this happen

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