1. There's going to be burlesque, live music, and hot rods.
2. Bride of Jake mutant pin-up girl contest!
3. Dunk tank! Which is great because this weekend's going to be a mother of a scorcher. Umm, also there's the refreshing ocean. It's right there, guys!
4. Long Beach has the world's biggest frying pan! In order to prove how hot it's going to be this weekend, maybe they'll fry a dozen eggs in the hot, hot sun. Take note of that awesome idea, Long Beach.
5. 75 is a pretty big birthday. Buy Jake some black "Over the Hill" balloons and a walker. On second thought, maybe the walker is kinda tasteless.
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