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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Comedy Tour: The Alex Falcone Diaries: The Hustler

Posted by Alex Falcone on Wed, Aug 8, 2012 at 9:59 AM

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[Editor's Note: Up-and-comer comedian/actor Alex Falcone—who you've seen perform with Action/Adventure theater, as well in the live talk show Late Night Action w/ Alex Falcone—will be furnishing semi-regular updates from the road to give us an inside peek at the real life of a struggling comic. Want more Alex? Check out his website and follow him on that Twitter contraption (@alex_falcone).]

Episode 18: Hustler

Friday, July 27 - Fort Wayne, IN

All the waitresses at this club wear t-shirts that say "They jiggle when I giggle." It's nice to be reminded that even nice comedy clubs are barely more than Hooter's with jokes. You want to know why comedy is male dominated? Could be a related reason.

Highs and lows in audience participation

I do this hilarious and well received bit about the Rihanna/Chris Brown masterpiece "Birthday Cake." Even though I love the song, I end with a joke about how Rihanna should wear a muzzle. Now, you are well aware of my belief that heckling in comedy pretty much doesn't exist. But after I told my muzzle joke, a guy in the back yelled "Screw you!" I appreciated his desire to protect Rihanna's honor, but this was easily the most combative thing anybody's ever yelled at me during a show. And it threw me.

If I were quicker on my feet I would have just said, "Don't worry, dude. She'd probably love a muzzle; she's really into that S S S S M M M M." Instead I just said "That's not very nice."

He came up to me after the show and introduced himself. "I'm the guy who said 'screw you.' Sorry, I just had to say something." Actually, you didn't have to. Everybody else managed to hold it in. Still, it goes back to my theory about heckling that even though it sounds combative, he wasn't trying to wound me. He just wanted to be part of the show and the only words he could grab on short notice were screw and you.

At the late show tonight, by contrast, I had my favorite audience moment to date. I did this hilarious and well received joke about how all music is just guys asking to get laid. "I don't speak Spanish," I quipped, "but I bet ranchero music is just 'I like chicas when they suck on my huevos.'" A chubby hispanic gentleman in the front row did an ACTUAL SPIT TAKE right in front of my very eyes. It was amazing. I saw it and asked if that was pretty much how they go and he beamed, wiping his chin, and yelled "Si, senor!" I don't speak Spanish, so that probably just means "screw you." But at least he smiled when he said it.

Weekend Scorecard
I spent $60 on gas and $25 on tolls to drive here from my temporary base camp in Chicago. I was paid $300 for five shows + I made $70 selling stickers. I got 18 new Facebook/Twitter followers. I would call this weekend an 8 on the Success Scale.

The Success Scale goes from a number lower than 8 to something higher—my point is I have no idea how to measure the success of a weekend. I made a few bucks, I got a spit take and a screw you, I had a good time. It was clearly a success. But should it have been better? I have no idea.

More importantly, over the last 15 days of road work I met a bunch of young creative people that really lit a fire under my ass. I'm super motivated to get more famous which is crucial for comedy. I saw a flier last year for a rap show called "If Only My Rhyme Was As Good As My Hustle." Comedy is so similar in that you need both rhyme and hustle to make it. Some people have more of one, and that's fine, but you need at least some of both.

My Boise dates got bumped back to October so I have a couple weeks to work on my rhyme and to hustle before I go to Tucson which marks the official end of my summer tour.

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