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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Aug 8, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I was with you when you didn't have no dollas, no dollas/ Hangin' at the crib, chillin' with your momma, your momma. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

A new poll reveals that while the honky middle class loves Mittens Romney, women are still backing Barack Obama. BOO HONKIES! YAY WOMEN!

Don't get too excited; yet another poll says that while Mitten Romney is woefully unpopular, Obama isn't faring much better.

The FBI reveals that the racist hatemonger who shot up that Sikh Temple in Wisconsin shot himself in the head and took his own life after being shot in the stomach by police.

Police arrest the ex-girlfriend of the racist Wisconsin shooter on charges of having an illegal weapon (and of course her name is "Misty").

After their troops were killed by masked gunmen, Egypt launches brutal airstrikes on militants in northern Sinai.

The Curiosity rover is sending back scads of new pictures of Mars—though no three-boobed ladies yet.

Today in Olympic News: "Ohio boy hospitalized after 4-day Xbox marathon." Wait. That's not Olympic news... BUT SHOULD BE.

In actual Olympic News: U.S. Women's Volleyball heads for the gold medal match, while the guys? Not so much.

In more actual Olympic News: Today's competitions to watch include the Women's Long Jump, China vs. Korea in table tennis, canoe sprint (SNORE), and the absolutely baffling sport I'd never seen before until this Olympics, HANDBALL. (Not the real handball. The one that's like a cross between basketball and soccer. WTF?!?)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cooling off today and tomorrow with highs only reaching the mid-to-upper 70s. But expect another warm sunny weekend!

And finally, I know it's not funny... BUT IT'S FUNNY! Here's German diver Stephan Feck's "calamitous" epic fail of a dive in the Olympics. :( ... :)

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