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Friday, August 10, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Aug 10, 2012 at 9:30 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I wish I was like six-foot-nine, so I can get with Leoshi, 'cause she don't know me but yo she's really fine. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The government's bombing of Syrian communities have caused yet another problem for residents—a crime wave has erupted after the police have abandoned their jobs.

An Afghan police officer invites three American special forces soldiers to dinner... then opens fire.

Meanwhile a senior U.S. officer is killed by a Afghan suicide bomber.

The continuing heat wave is killing corn, which means higher prices for beef, milk, chicken, eggs, turkey... shall I go on?

Nine people go on trial for helping a Chinese teen sell his kidney so he could get an iPhone and an iPad. Shouldn't there be an app for that?

Whlle the Mars SUV is still taking pictures and dropping the kids off at soccer practice, a NASA moon lander in development crashes, burns and explodes.

A sweet Tweet:

Screen_shot_2012-08-10_at_9.10.27_AM.png

Prepare to panic: A woman's hair suddenly turns into... BLACK FINGERNAILS. (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)

Essayist and This American Life contributor David Rakoff has died at the too young age of 47.

A New Jersey woman sues after her breast feeding video ends up on a porn site.

In Olympical stuff: US Women's soccer exacts their revenge on China JAPAN, American Women also win the first gold for water polo, and Usain Bolt gets second gold in the 200 meters. Today expect lots of action in the pole vault, 4 X 100 relay, and U.S. Men's basketball going head to head with Argentina. Oh, and also Women's two-person dinghy. (Snick.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: This morning's clouds will burn off and things will really begin to heat up, culminating in a very sunny weekend that could reach 90 degrees.

And finally, he's got the moves like Chandler, he's got the moves like Chandler, he's got the moo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-oooves like Chandler!

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