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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Betty Crocker Boundaries

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Aug 22, 2012 at 10:29 AM

I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back October 1st, when the book is finished. —Dan

I'm a female college student and a feminist. I expect equal treatment at home and at work. But I have fantasies of domestic discipline. Some days I'd like to rush home to clean and make dinner for my boyfriend in only an apron. Then I'd appreciate it if he'd find some excuse, something I did wrong, and spank me until I cry before he has wild sex with me.

My open-minded guy would be up for this. But how on earth do I set effective boundaries? How can you be taken seriously as an equal when you tell your boyfriend that you'd like him to dominate you outside the bedroom (the cooking and cleaning aspect) on occasion? It's totally unrealistic to pretend to be BETTY CROCKER all the time.

No Clever Acronym

My response after the jump...

Get a necklace, NCA, that you wear only when you want the boyfriend to take charge. You decide when that necklace goes on, you decide when it comes off, which puts you in control, paradoxically, of your own submission.

When you're wearing it, you're BETTY CROCKER (whoever she is) and the boyfriend has your consent to order you about, spank your ass, and fuck you senseless. When it's off, you're equals. Easy!

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