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Monday, August 27, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Aug 27, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! So I'm feeling really cavalier and I say, "Ah...call me if you want to." Huh, yeah... "call me if you want to." LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Tropical Storm Isaac is not only throwing a major wrench into the Republican National Convention, if it turns toward New Orleans, it could remind voters of the massive clustereff known as Hurricane Katrina. Awwwwkward.

Nevada billionaire and big time donor Sheldon Adelson—who has promised to spend $100 million to get a Republican into the White House—will be making an appearance at the GOP convention. How does that make you feel, poor people?

Mittens Romney admits the pointed Obama attacks are taking its toll on his popularity—though I would say that in any case, the more one knows about Mittens, the less one likes Mittens.

Southern California was hit by a "quake swarm" featuring several hundred earthquakes—the strongest being a 5.5. (At least there weren't bees!)

A new study from the American Academy of Pediatrics says that the benefits of circumcision outweigh the risks. Sooooo... let's get choppin'!

Snooki gives birth to a six-pound baby boy whose first words were, "Moooom! You're embarrassing meeeee!"

Someone is doing a kickstarter to help fund a "space elevator on the moon." Meanwhile, my kickstarter plan to bury the planet in Cheetos lies fallow.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Partly sunny in the mid-70s all... week... long!

And finally, never-ending candidate Ron Paul claims that if HE had been president, 9/11 would never have happened! GOD... DAMMIT!!! Why didn't we elect him?!? (Other than the fact he's crazy.)

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