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Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Robot Apocalypse Updated

Posted by Alex Falcone on Tue, Aug 28, 2012 at 10:44 AM

You may have heard tales of the fable Robot Chef. You may have even seen the following video. But if you're not really really scared, you didn't pay close enough attention.

Sure, it sounds nice to replace a human chef with a robot chef for half the cost. But did you catch what the restaurateur said near the end of his interview (about 1:28 in)? "It is a great machine, and it is better than man."

Who cares, Alex? We don't need to be afraid of robots any more. They're our friends. They vacuum our carpets, move stuff around our warehouses, and shoot space rocks with lasers. Now they just want to make us delicious noodles in an efficient manner!

You only think that because you've forgotten this CNN article about robots eating flies.

Noodle robots are cute, but robots that EAT LIVING THINGS are not cute. They are the scariest thing ever. EVER!

If robots were eating flies eight years ago, what are they eating now? Roaches? Mice, maybe? They'll only get hungrier. And why eat wild food when they could domesticate a large, docile species and fatten them up with DELICIOUS NOODLES!

CNN refers to these robots as being able to function "without human supervision" which is just a nice way of saying "will certainly become sentient and eat us all."

"Siri, how can I avoid becoming robot food?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Alex. Robots are your friends! Here, eat some more noodles."

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