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Thursday, August 30, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Don't Give Up So Quickly

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Aug 30, 2012 at 10:29 AM

I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back October 1st, when the book is finished. —Dan

I'm female, early 40s, and I like to watch. Seems pretty straightforward, but I'm not the classic voyeur. Everything I've read on voyeurism emphasizes the eroticism of secretly watching others having sex, with the possibility of being discovered as part of the thrill. I'm not turned on by any of that. I want to watch, but I want the person I'm watching to know I'm watching. I want him to be looking right at me. I want to look into his eyes while he's getting banged, or masturbating like a fiend, all undone and out of control, and have him know I'm witnessing him fall apart into orgasm. Mmmmm. (I suspect this may be a power issue...)

But looking for someone to play along with me has been fruitless thus far. The one boyfriend I did bring it up with sat there and stared at me for so long that I dried right up and never mentioned it again. I ran an ad in the local online personals (M, M-F, M-M), outlining what I was interested in, thinking that with all the exhibitionists out there, surely someone would bite. Nothing. I did get a response, but it was from another woman. She wanted to know if I'd had any replies, and to ask if she could sit in if anyone took me up on my offer. Any ideas, Dan?

Opera Glasses

My response after the jump...

You told one boyfriend, you placed one ad. And then you gave up. Gee, here's an idea: The human race would quickly die out if people into "normal" sex asked one person, took out one ad, and then, if they didn't get a positive response, stopped asking and stopped advertising.

Look, OG, you told one person, he reacted badly, and... the conclusion you seem to have drawn from this experience is that you should never, ever risk telling anyone about your kink ever again. May I suggest an alternate conclusion? You told the wrong person. When you told him about your kink—your charming, harmless, intriguing kink—and he sat there like a stone, the correct response was not to wither under his gaze. The correct response was to flip him off and walk out.

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