E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, the single most terrifying motion picture ever made, will return to theaters for a single day as
an advertisement for its upcoming Blu-ray release a celebration of its 30th anniversary. The profoundly disturbing film, which broke box office records upon its release in 1982 and singlehandedly prevented me from falling asleep from 1984 to 1990, follows a horrifically deformed outcast from outer space that deviously tricks a young, emotionally vulnerable, and clearly mentally deficient boy into caring for it. Desperate to survive, the malicious alien then schemes to use its invasive mental powers to force a powerful psychosomatic bond upon the unwitting boy, nearly slaughtering him and his family in the process. Wasting no time, the hideous creature then proceeds to get drunk, dress in drag, make unwanted sexual advances toward the family dog, scare the motherfucking goddamn shit out of several other small children, repeatedly and carelessly put the boy in all-but-inescapable danger, and shuffle around like the fucked-up-looking creep freak that it is. From the press release:
This fall, movie theater audiences nationwide will “phone home" once again as Steven Spielberg's beloved film E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial returns to the big screen in honor of its 30th Anniversary. "TCM Presents E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial 30th Anniversary Event” will take place Wednesday, October 3 at 7 pm local time, with special matinee screenings in select theaters at 2 pm local time. Presented by NCM Fathom Events, Turner Classic Movies (TCM) and Universal Pictures as part of the studio's 100th Anniversary celebration, the event features the all-new, digitally remastered feature film, as well as a special taped introduction by TCM host Ben Mankiewicz, who will take audien
Actually, I'm not even going to finish quoting that. No. Hey, parents, if you totally want to screw up your kid and give them panic attacks for at least six entire years and make sure they never ever go into a closet or the woods or the goddamn toolshed in the backyard because jesus christ that fucking thing—with its weird long fingers and malformed eyes and limp arms and soul-stabbing voice that is the soundtrack of nightmares—because that fucking thing just might be in any or all of those places, waiting in the dark or holding perfectly still as it hides among their toys or lying dead and desiccated in a creek bed, well, here you go. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial is back on the big screen, showing for just one day in a giant dark room where your weeping child will have nowhere else to look but at the giant screen directly in front of them as life-shattering horror waddles into their subconscious, never to depart.
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