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Monday, October 8, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Oct 8, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Well, your friends with their fancy persuasions, don't admit that it's part of a scheme. But I can't help but have my suspicions, 'cause I ain't quite as dumb as I seem. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

After tanking the first presidential debate last week, Obama's team is on the attack which means this Thursday's Vice Presidential debate will most likely be firework-filled. (Come watch it with the Mercury!)

Obama admits and jokes about his debate blooper.

In an attempt to look like he knows a thing or two about foreign policy, Mittens Romney will deliver a speech today urging America to provide arms to Syrian rebels.

A new Gallup poll shows Romney and Obama in a virtual tie—although I'm sure Republicans won't believe that one either.

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! (That's a sound you don't want to hear coming from inside a volcano in Indonesia.)

Iraq goes on another of their "excecution sprees"—killing 17 prisoners in two days.

More good news for Mike Daisey: iPhone 5 workers in China go on strike because of substandard working conditions.

President Hugo Chavez was reelected in a squeaker of a vote in Venezuela on Sunday.

A man defaces a famous piece of art by the Rothko, and claims that's just the way the artist would have wanted it. Uh-huh... riiiiight. But Rothko really doesn't own it anymore, does he? (Can someone hurry up and arrest this jackass?)

First Justin Bieber, now Lady Gaga pukes onstage! And, hey, if you promise to come see The Lost Boys: Live this weekend, I'll puke for you, too! (Hurry! Tickets are almost sold out!)

Here's something about the winner of the Portland Marathon, which will probably only make you feel depressed about being lazy, so skip it.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Dry, Sun, Dry, Sun, Dry, Sun... wait! SHOWERS RETURN AT THE END OF THE WEEK! (Why am I excited about that?!)

And finally, here's that "Babies eating lemons for the first time" supercut you've all been clamoring for!

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