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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Oct 10, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Most people looked at him with terror and with fear, but to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The US military secretly sends a task force to Jordan to help a flood of Syrian refugees who are running for their lives.

Meanwhile Turkey threatens to kick some ass if Syria doesn't stop shelling their border.

The Anti-Doping Agency (I've never heard of that!) is accusing cyclist Lance Armstrong of being the mastermind behind the "most sophisticated and professional" doping scheme in sports history.

Alex Karras (the dad on Webster, and former professional football player) has died of kidney disease and other maladies at the age of 77. :(

Mittens Romney says that while he has no anti-abortion plans on the table, he still intends on cutting any government funding to organizations that provide abortions. THAT'S AN ANTI-ABORTION PLAN, IDIOT.

Here's an unwanted headline: "Brain-Eating Amoebas Kill 10 in Pakistan."

Gack! Here's another scary headline... much closer to home: "California Squirrel Tests Positive for Plague Exposure."

One member of Pussy Riot is freed—but not because Russian courts are coming to their senses.

A man trying to board a plane at LAX was caught wearing body armor, flame retardant leggings, and carrying a suitcase containing a smoke grenade, three billy clubs, a respirator, several knives and a hatchet. Okay, him you can arrest.

Lindsay Lohan and her mom duke it out in the back of a limousine! I think this may qualify as a first-world white people problem.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Only partly cloudy today with a high of 70, but LOOK OUT! A weekend's worth of soaking rain in on the horizon!

And finally, here's "Driveway Ninja" Will Keith slicing up 81 bottles LIKE A BOSS. (What are you going to do today?)

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