She was built like one and a half NFL cheerleaders, with a mane of tawny auburn hair like a lion who'd maybe stripped it's way through lion college. Two thick eyebrows went at each other like gladiatorial caterpillars, and two ruby lips pursed and parted like divorcing lemon enthusiasts. She was wearing a diaphanous gauze slip that made me rethink using the word diaphanous all the time.
"Please, I need your help," she said.
"Everyone needs my help," I told her, "That's why they call me Boat Cop."
After which he adds:
(Note: Alison thinks I should release the rest of this, but there is basically no way I am going to that. Unless a really compelling argument is made for it in the comments I guess.)
Exhibits A, B, & C:
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