I reviewed the new Tyler Perry flick, the colossally, staggeringly bad Alex Cross this week in a review that didn't make the paper but is up on the web. Read it! (My opinion of the movie? Blllrrrrffffff.)

Just as bad as the movie is its tagline:

DON'T EVER CROSS ALEX CROSS

Come on, movie studio. That's just crummy. So! I have wasted about 20 seconds of my life (and yours) in order to come up with some alternate, superior taglines. Enjoy.

DON'T PLAY LACROSSE WITH ALEX CROSS
BECAUSE HE WENT TO BUCKNELL ON SCHOLARSHIP AND IS PRETTY GOOD

DON'T SIT ACROSS FROM ALEX CROSS
HE IS TALL AND COULD USE THE EXTRA LEG ROOM

DON'T LISTEN TO KRIS KROSS WITH ALEX CROSS
HE IS MORE OF AN ANOTHER BAD CREATION FAN

DON'T WEAR LACOSTE WITH ALEX CROSS
ALLIGATORS SCARE HIM

IF YOU NEED TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO 22 ACROSS DON'T ASK ALEX CROSS
IT IS "EMU" DUH HAVEN'T YOU EVER DONE A CROSSWORD BEFORE