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Monday, October 22, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Oct 22, 2012 at 9:31 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! You and me girl, got a highway to the sky. We can turn away from the night and day, and the tears we had to cry. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Tonight is the final presidential debate between Obama and Mittens—watch it with the Mercury at the Mission Theater (note new, larger location)—in which the topic is foreign policy, and that this debate doesn't really matter because as we learned last week, America's undecided voters are idiots and who knows what they're going to do.

Lance Armstrong is stripped of his seven Tour de France titles, and has his name erased from the record books. OUCH. (For people who walk around in spandex, these guys are serious.)

Two of the jailed members of the Russian punk group Pussy Riot are sent to a brutal prison camp. Also? SERIOUS.

Russell C. Means—the activist best associated with reviving the American Indian protests of the '70s—has died of cancer at the age of 72.

A man goes on a Wisconsin shooting spree inside a hair salon, gunning down seven and killing three.

Douglas Kennedy—son of the late Robert Kennedy, Jr.—is going on trial for trying to take his baby out of the maternity ward of a hospital and allegedly assaulting two nurses.

I just... I just can't. So: "A little girl was fighting for her life early Monday after she was shot outside a Halloween party by a relative who mistook her costume for a skunk." UNNNGHHH!!! GUNS!!!!

Big week for Facebook with their second earnings report due on Tuesday, and many of their employees becoming millionaires. "Huzzah! Monocles for all our workers!"

A 21-year-old Gresham woman is found dead of multiple gunshot wounds, and her accused murderer is a neighbor and fellow Jehovah's Witness.

Chevy Chase is blasted for using the n-word in a rant on the Community set... because, you know... Chevy Chase.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Spotty showers all week long with highs in the mid-50s.

And finally, everyone's favorite SNL character Stefon reveals his Halloween plans! (They involve "hobo cops.")

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