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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Oct 24, 2012 at 9:30 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! So girls if you see him, you might think you need him. He might look like the average guy, but he's wanted by the F.B.I.! LET'S GO TO PRESS.

A 23-year-old chemistry student is suspected to be the one who shot teenage Malala Yousufzai for speaking out against the Taliban.

Pop quiz, hotshot: An Indiana candidate for the senate proclaimed yesterday that pregnancies resulting from rape are intended by God. Was the person who said this a Republican or Democrat? (Don't strain your brain too much on this one.)

Tagg Romney has apologized to the President for saying he wanted to "take a swing at him." He has yet to apologize for having the name, "Tagg."

An Atlanta megachurch that preaches that God intended for his followers to be wealthy, was attacked by a shooter leaving one man dead. (Weirdly, things are not shaping up so well today for Republicans and Christians.)

Obama allows an off-the-record interview to be published, outlining a "grand bargain" he's willing to make with Republicans to cut the deficit and pass comprehensive immigration reform. Uh-oh.

A funeral for an anti-Syrian government activist is interrupted by a car bomb, maiming and burning children among others.

A manager at Arby's is fired after choosing to run from a knife-wielding robber. Her quote is priceless: "I'm not going to die in Arby's tonight. I'm just not."

The Oregonian is reporting that a write-in movement in this year's mayoral election is gaining traction—though they conspicuously leave out the most obvious write-in candidate: Sam Adams. (I'm starting to think they don't like him very much!)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Showery again today—though it might be dry tomorrow. And then? Showery again. You know the drill.

And finally, it's the final seconds of the game and the PDS pee-wee football team is down by two, and those dicks at Briarcrest intercept the ball. OR DO THEY? Hang around for the most "ARE YOU SERIOUS??" pee-wee football play you'll see all day. (Sucks to be you, number 8.)

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