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Thursday, October 25, 2012

Politics Everybody Chill Out. The World Isn't Only Douchebags.

Posted by Alex Falcone on Thu, Oct 25, 2012 at 1:59 PM

If you read the Internet (and it seems you do) it's easy to think the world is falling apart. Yesterday was National Come Out As A Dipshit day with Donald Trump announcing he's still a waste of combs, people responding to Ann Coulter's tweet (It's so cute that she's on Twitter; she thinks she's people!), and yet another Republican running for office suggesting that God is a big fan of rape. Things feels dire, but these these flare-ups are notable precisely because the world is pretty good and getting better.

Even if it doesn't feel like it, there are fewer douchebags in the world than there used to be. People who think God is pro-rape are disappearing like the dinosaurs we walked next to 9,000 years ago. Sure it's awful to think of people like that being in congress, but congress is for old people and old people are crazy. At least today's congressmen are admitting that women who get pregnant out of wedlock aren't witches.

These little blips are just noise on a graph of the world that's steadily getting more awesome.

Slavery In The United States

Witches Burned in the U.S.

Wars between lines of sword-wielding idiots.

The fun part of being socially progressive is we get to win. The world does progress. The people who use the word "retarded" now are the people who said swing music was the devils work in the 30s. There are always crazy old people, but don't forget they're always fighting losing battles, bringing up the rear of the human parade. The people who passed constitutional amendments banning gay marriage were just plugging holes on the Titanic with homophobia. Spoiler alert: they lose in the end.

Each generation's crazy old people are better than the previous generation's. The only thing to really be worried about it is 50 years from now when we (today's hip and happening youths) won't let our daughters marry aliens and vote for laws requiring trans-robot-vagina-ultrasounds before they can adopt laser children. Then we'll be the douche bags.

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