SO GUESS WHO HAS A BRAND NEW COLUMN IN THE MERCURY? Presenting Ian Karmel's Portland as Fuck. Here's a peep of his first column about the late night employees at mini-marts, also known as PORTLAND'S GREATEST HEROES.
And how do we repay these heroes? Scorn unfettered! When you see a teacher or a cop in a movie, they're played by Ryan Gosling or Mariska Hargitay. (Say her name out loud. It's a blast.) When you see a convenience store worker in a movie, they're played by me. If you bring home a date, and they're in the military, your parents will admire your date's commitment amid constant travail. If you bring home someone who humps the midnight shift at 7-Eleven, your parents will hide their prescription painkillers.
Welcome to the Mercury, Ian... and READ THE REST HERE.
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