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Monday, November 19, 2012

The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Nov 19, 2012 at 10:14 AM

Hi, everybody! And welcome once again to The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat club where we chitty-cha... [RINNNG! RINNNNG!]. Wait. What's that? [RINNNG! RINNNNG!] Eww!! It's a weird looking phone! And it's attached to the wall! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! Adorable. [RINNNG! RINNNNG!] Hmm. Should I pick it up? Maybe whoever called would like to chitty-chat about last night's episode of The Walking Dead called "Hounded"! [RINNNG! RINNNNG!] Okay, I'm answering it! Check out our spoiler-filled conversation after the jump! Let's start [RINNNG! RINNNNG!] chitty-chatting!

Mmm... Hello?

How am I supposed to text on this thing?

[RINNNG! RINNNNG!]

Me: Mmm... Hello?
Ghost: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Me: Hey, why are you booing me?? I haven't even started yet!!
Ghost: No, I'm "booing" because I'm a ghost!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Me: Well, can you maybe use something other than "Boo"? Commenters have been hurting my feelings lately.
Ghost: Oh. OH! Umm... sure... no problem... how about "WHOOAAAAAOOOOOOOOHHH!"
Me: Nice. (Awkward pause.) Sooooo. You're a ghost.
Ghost: Yeeeeeeppers.
Me: Well.. that's... interesting, I guess. (Awkward pause.) So did you watch The Walking Dead last night?
Ghost: Totally! And oh, my god—it was TERRIBLE.
Me: HA!! That's exactly what I thought!
Ghost: Worst episode EVER.
Me: Yes, yes, a thousand times YES.
Ghost: That entire phone sequence was RIDICULOUS.
Me: Ugh! SO... BAD.
Ghost: I mean, I get that Rick is a little upset right now... what with his wife being in that zombie's belly.
Me: Totally understandable...
Ghost: But imagining dead people calling him on the phone? To tell him he should take care of his baby? If I had eyes, they'd be rolling out of my head right now!
Me: At least it inspired him to take a shower.
Ghost: There's that. Oh, and maybe Farmer McDrunky will tell the rest of the gang that Rick's gone koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs.
Me: Cocoa Puffs are gross.
Ghost: Yeah, they are kinda gross.
Me: The only great part of this episode was when Michonne was on the run from the Woodbury hillbillies and sliced open that zombie, and his guts spilled out on her like a Vegas slot machine.
Ghost: Ha! Classic. OH! And what about that awkward/gross sex scene between the Governor and... and... what do you call her?
Me: Blondie McGunnerson.
Ghost: YEAH! Blondie McGunnerson. So gross.
Me: Those two idiots are made for each other. They're like my parents—two totally wrong people who are wrong all the time.
Ghost: So Blondie's all like, "Blech, I hate fighting, no, I love fighting."
Me: And then she's all like, "I want to work the wall—but I want to ruin my chances of working the wall by doing something I know I shouldn't do."
Ghost: And then she's all like, "Ooh, Governor! Let me make sex with you!"
Me: HAHAHAAAA!!
Ghost: HAHAHAAHAAAA!!
Ghost & Me: GROSS.
Me: Speaking of people who spend too much time fucking, Glenn and Maggie get captured by Rednecky McBayonet Arm...
Ghost: That's kind of a clunky nickname.
Me: Yeah, I guess... anyway I bet you five bucks that the no-longer racist, baby-cuddling Darryl is gonna kill him!
Ghost: That would make logical sense.
Me: And he's gonna do it with Carol—who everybody gave up on pretty quick, huh?
Ghost: Yeah, that was really weird. Carol disappears for two minutes, and everybody's like, "OH, WELL, SHE'S DEAD." I mean, she's a simp... but c'mon. Give her a little credit.
Me: And did you follow that weird story Daryl told Carl about his Mom and Virginia Slims? I fell asleep twice.
Ghost: SO boring. Hmmm... are we forgetting anything?
Me: Just Michonne showing up at the prison. But I bet she just wants to use the phone!
Ghost: HAAAAA!! That phone thing was SO STUPID!
Me: Well, on the upside, next week we get to see Glenn being tortured... so it can't be any worse.
Ghost: That'll be fun!
Me: Yeah. [Awkward pause] Yeah.
Ghost: Yeah... SO!
Me: Yeah, I gotta get back to work.
Ghost: Well, this was fun. Maybe we should do it a—
Me: Mmm... maybe, sure. I'm pretty busy.
Ghost: OH! Oh, well... yeah. I'm really busy too.
Me: Sooooo...
Ghost: Sooooo yeah. [Awkward pause.]
Me: [Awkward pause.]
Ghost: [Awkward pause.]
Ghost & Me: BYE!!
[Both hang up.]

So the ghost and I are in agreement... WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE? Let's get chitty-chatting! (And don't call me... I'll call you.)

Can you PLEASE get off the phone? Im expecting a call from the prosthetic limb company!
  • Courtesy AMC
  • "Can you PLEASE get off the phone? I'm expecting a call from the prosthetic limb company!"

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