Charlie Sheen Makes Bad Situation Worse, and Donald Trump Can't Stop Sharing the Stupid
Somehow a Movie Starring Two Tom Hardys Ends Up Being Dull
Three of the biggest days of the year for movie theaters: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's. Why? Because no one wants to actually talk to the relatives they're obligated to spend time with, that's why. Luckily, the Mercury's squad of badass movie critics* are fucking on it—here's your guide to what to see and skip this holiday weekend.
LIFE OF PI Pretty sure Alison only liked this movie because there's a big cat in it. I liked it too (because there's a big cat in it), even though I don't think the movie's ending has nearly the punch that the book's does.
RED DAWN The pilgrims would be so goddamn proud of the Wolverines! This should be mandatory viewing every Thanksgiving. Or maybe every Fourth of July. Or every day.
ANNA KARENINA I have not seen this movie, yet a deep-down part of me is 100 percent sure that I would loathe it with the unholy heat of hellfire.
MIAMI CONNECTION What I just said about Anna Karenina, but exactly the opposite.
RISE OF THE GUARDIANS Do you know they let Wm. Steven Humphrey into theaters that're showing kids' movies? That seems weird, right?
SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK With David O. Russell, sometimes you get a weird, great movie (Three Kings), and sometimes you get clunky shlock (The Fighter). You never quite know what you're gonna get, just like you never quite know what your racist great-aunt is going to mutter under her old-person breath when she asks you to pass the mashed potatoes.
*Jamie S. Rich not included