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Monday, November 26, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Nov 26, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Voices scream. Nothin' seen. Real's the dream. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

According to a new poll, two-thirds of Americans think falling off the "fiscal cliff" is a big deal, and if we do, the Republicans (who now officially cannot win) are to blame.

Egypt's president is in some hot soup with the nation's judges after slashing their powers—but promises to meet with them about it and not behead them.

At a critical time in the cease fire between Israel and Palestine, Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak says, "It's fuck this shit o'clock. I'm OUTTA here."

Let's see what the Syrian government is up to today... oh! Bombing a suburban playground and killing 10 kids.

Saudi husbands receive text messages if their wives travel outside the country—because... SAUDI ARABIA IS THE WORST.

CORRECTION: Chris Brown IS THE WORST. Team Breezy (ugh) shut down his Twitter account after getting into an online feud with a female comedian, ending it all with "these bitches crazy"... because—THE WORST!

Two parents and their son drown in the Northern California surf trying to rescue their dog. UGH!

Oh, and it's Cyber Monday! Here's hoping you continue to keep buying the bullshit I write all day long.

What's up, Beaver Nation? What's that? You lost the unfortunately named "Civil War" against the University of Oregon on Saturday, 48-24? That's too bad. That was a "football" game, correct?

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Sunny-ish and gusty-ish today and tomorrow, with rain returning Wednesday afternoon.

And finally, now that Thanksgiving is finally over, can we PLEASE start talking about Christmas? Thank you very much, new hilarious rap video from Krispy Kreme about Christmas!

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